The Backroom Briefing

Issue 01: Influence doesn’t start with your words — it starts with how you think

In every room where real decisions are made, there is something happening long before anyone speaks, and it’s not on the agenda, it’s not about the perfectly chosen words or how confident you sound when it’s finally your turn to talk.

It’s about what people already know — or what they think they know — about how you see the world.

Because whether you like it or not, they already know how you think.

You might say, “But no one’s ever asked me how I think.”
Or even, “I don’t really know how I think, I’ve never stopped to look at that.”

And that’s exactly the problem.

It shows anyway.
It shows in how you react when the pressure rises.
It shows in what you focus on — whether it’s the problem or the opportunity.
It shows in how you show up when things get uncomfortable, in the moments when everyone’s looking for certainty and you either stand steady or you disappear.

This is why Relationship First, as one of the foundations of real influence, has nothing to do with being liked or popular. It’s about whether people know where you stand. It’s about whether they know how you think. And it’s about whether they trust that you will hold your ground — even when the ground itself starts shifting.

It’s also about knowing when to say stop.

Stop firefighting.
Stop patching up what can’t be fixed.
Stop performing leadership — and start leading in a way that creates space for something better to be built, even if that means letting the old structures burn to the ground first.

Because here’s the reality — the minute you leave the room, people will talk about you, and they will decide.

“S/he sees the bigger picture.”
“S/he only sees the problem.”
“S/he’s steady.”
“S/he’s only here for herself.”
“S/he shows up with clarity.”
“S/he disappears when it gets difficult.”

It’s happening all the time, whether you are intentional about it or not.

Influence doesn’t wait for permission. It doesn’t care if you’ve had time to rehearse your message. It starts the moment you walk in — and often long before that. It’s built on whether people know what you stand for, how you think, and what matters enough to you that you will take a stand, even when it’s uncomfortable.

And if you’ve never taken the time to see that for yourself, trust me, everyone else already has. They’ve filled in the blanks. The only question is whether they got it right.

The takeaway?

Influence doesn’t start with your words. It starts with how you think, and how that shapes everything people already know about you. It starts with what you stand for, and whether you are willing to hold that steady when the room turns.

And if reading this made you pause, even for a moment, and wonder what do they really know about me, then good — because that is exactly where influence begins.

In September, Vorian Maryssael and I will guide, teach and train  a small group of women through exactly this.
Influence — How to Shape Outcomes that Matter is not another leadership workshop. It’s where we take these principles — the real, human, often uncomfortable work — and apply them to your actual world.

The boardrooms, the negotiations, the moments where outcomes shift — not because you spoke louder, but because people already knew how you think, what you stand for, and why they should follow.

If this is the work you know you’re ready for, send me a note. We’ll have the conversation. No pressure. Just clarity on whether this is your next step.

Applications open soon. Want to be kept in the loop? Please send an email or DM on Linkedin and we will ensure you are informed.

Because influence isn’t given. It’s created — one grounded, courageous decision at a time.

Love,
Rita

Ps. If you’re ready for a steadier, deeper way of leading, I offer private 1:1 thinking partnerships for leaders building what matters most. When you’re ready, the space is here. If it feels like the right time, message me and we’ll have a quiet conversation. 

Pss. Join the wait list for Lumina Conexus Mastermind 

Psss.  You can read All articles here.