When you’re in the room, but not really heard

You’ve probably had this happen more than once.

You’re in the room.

You’ve done the work - not just the preparation for this meeting, but the years of showing up, building trust, carrying complexity. You’ve been invited in - senior stakeholders, strategy, the kind of space where decisions are shaped - and you don’t come empty-handed. You come with something considered. Something you see, that maybe others don’t see yet. And you speak, because it feels important. Not because you like the sound of your own voice, but because you’ve learned to recognise the moment when something needs to be said.

And then, just like that, the conversation moves on.

No reaction. No resistance. Just that quiet shift - someone changing the slide, someone reaching for their coffee, a glance down at a notebook - and it’s as if your words never landed at all.

But you feel it.

Even if no one else acknowledges it, your body does.

There’s a pressure behind the ribs, a tightening in the stomach, a sense that something true was spoken but left hanging - and it doesn’t go away just because no one picked it up. You carry it with you. The rest of the day might go fine, but there’s a thread still running. A kind of unfinished business that never made it to the surface.

And it’s not just about being dismissed.

It’s about what was missed.

Because what you said wasn’t an opinion you threw in to fill space. It was something that could have changed the course of what came next. Or at the very least, needed to be heard.

Someone said to me recently - “We get the seat, and maybe one minute.” And it stuck with me. Because even when you’re at the table, even when your name is on the invite, you still have to decide how - and when - to speak. And what to do when it disappears into the silence.

What I’ve seen again and again is that it doesn’t just cost energy.

It costs clarity.

It costs time.

It costs trust.

The body feels the weight of what was unspoken. That tension doesn’t just stay in the meeting - it lingers. And if it keeps happening, something subtle but serious starts to shift. You begin questioning your timing, your expression, even your instincts. You might soften a little next time. Wait. Rephrase. Not because you’re unsure - but because the room hasn’t shown it can hold it.

And for the organisation, the cost is just as real.

When someone at your level speaks to something that others haven’t yet seen - a risk, a cultural signal, a misalignment - and it doesn’t land, what’s being missed isn’t just input. It’s foresight.

And when foresight is ignored, the system shifts from proactive to reactive.

You’re not shaping direction anymore. You’re firefighting.

It also means investing in people without using their insight.Which is not just a waste of intelligence - it’s a quiet erosion of trust.

You cannot keep asking people to stay engaged while tuning them out.

So what now?

What I’ve learned - and what I see in women like you - is this:

You say it. You say it first.

Without waiting for the perfect moment. Without softening the edges. Without over-explaining.It might sound like:

“Before we move on, I need to name something. Because if we ignore it, there’s a cost.”

It doesn’t need to be loud. It doesn’t need to be long.But it does need to be said.

And yes, sometimes that kind of clarity is disruptive.Sometimes it stirs the room. Sometimes it lands in silence.That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth saying.

It means you’re holding something that others haven’t caught up to yet.

So even if the room moves on again - you didn’t. You stayed with what was essential. You trusted your own timing.You let the words land - whether they were received or not.

Because this is the work.

Not just having a seat, but using it.

Not just speaking, but bringing what no one else is saying.

And doing it now, not later - because they’ll need it, even if they don’t know it yet. You want to have influence? This is how it works.

If this is something you recognise - I’d like to hear it.

Love,

Rita

Ps. If you’re ready for a steadier, deeper way of leading, I offer private 1:1 thinking partnerships for leaders building what matters most. When you’re ready, the space is here. If it feels like the right time, message me and we’ll have a quiet conversation. 

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